Well, not so much a sermon, but a pitch for one of the most ingenious businesses ever!

Eternal Earth-Bound Pets: “The next best thing to pet salvation in a Post Rapture World”!

Cottoning on yet? Brilliant, isn’t it?

You’ve committed your life to Jesus. You know you’re saved. But when the Rapture comes what’s to become of your loving pets who are left behind? Eternal Earth-Bound Pets takes that burden off your mind.

We are a group of dedicated animal lovers, and atheists. Each Eternal Earth-Bound Pet representative is a confirmed atheist, and as such will still be here on Earth after you’ve received your reward. Our network of animal activists are committed to step in when you step up to Jesus.

Wow! A cushy life on earth for Bowser while you’re tripping the light fantastic in the celestial chorusline? Gimme some of that! How much will it set me back?

Our service is plain and simple; our fee structure is reasonable.
For $110.00 we will guarantee that should the Rapture occur within ten (10) years of receipt of payment, one pet per residence will be saved. Each additional pet at your residence will be saved for an additional $15.00 fee. A small price to pay for your peace of mind and the health and safety of your four legged and feathered friends.

$110!? Peanuts, I tell you! Peanuts!

I would love to know how much these guys are actually making out of this.

Sadly, I doubt that any Eternal Earth-Bound Pet will survive the Velocirapture when it comes.