Hell, if a nervous breakdown and a month or two in rehab can turn you from a slobbering bucket of piss into a million dollar piece of ass, then stuff my face with antidepressants and call me Gwendolyn! I don’t know what’s happened (I’m suspecting a bitchslap with a liposucker), but Britney’s looking pretty fucking fantastic! It may be that I’ve only masturbated once in the last 3 weeks (and I’m not fucking joking either!), but I think I’ve still got a reasonable hold on my senses.

Could this be the turning point we’ve not really been waiting for? Is Britney on the road to recovery? Could she do it baby one more time? I really hope so. I haven’t been this excited since, well, that one time in the last 3 weeks that I was able to steal my golden opportunity.

I don’t want to say anymore about this at the moment for fear of jinxing the miracle. Come on, Britney! In the words of Rob Schneider, “You can doooo it!”