Well, it could have been a prop, hooker or second-string orange peeler, but any way you spin it, the English rugby team is in hot water after reports of alleged “serious misconduct” by four players started doing the rounds yesterday morning. By last night, the mud had started to settle and we had a little more information to play with:
A guest at the New Zealand hotel where four England rugby players are accused of rape has claimed that one player “ripped the duvet off” her bed as she lay half-naked with one of his team-mates.
The 22-year-old woman, calling herself Angel, alleges she was one of half a dozen women the players picked up in a bar called the Pony Club in Auckland in the early hours of Sunday, following the team’s 20-37 defeat to the All Blacks on Saturday.
After what has been described as a “rowdy” drinking session, Angel claims she went back to the five-star Hilton Hotel with the unnamed player at 3am, and spent the night with him.
Meanwhile an incident allegedly happened in another room, involving four players, which has been described as an allegation of rape by New Zealand’s public service broadcaster, TVNZ. (more)
Boy. The southern hemisphere may rule on the field, but only because the northern hemisphere are saving all their rough-housing for off the field. One report yesterday had head-coach Rob Andrew commenting that he wasn’t surprised at all than some sort of allegations had arisen, seeing as they were playing a team from the bottom half of the world. Is that what you think of us, Rob Andrew? Dirty, nasty cheats and liars and food-poisoners? Tut tut. Methinks he’s just caught a bad case of sour grapes after losing yet another test match.
Rude behaviour aside, it sounds like the team had a good craic on the town. Picking up girls called “Angel” from “the Pony Club”? Vuurrrrrry spicy. I wonder if it’s similar to the Pony Club I used to go to? Because if it is, you don’t want to know what kind of lascivious antics probably went down on Saturday night. Hell, the only “Angel” I ever met at the “Pony Club” was a demure but devastatingly attractive 6-year-old Shetland who used to get off on eating sugar-cubes out of my ass. Ponies are kinky bitches.
We’ll keep an eye on this story a bit longer to see how it plays out. Hopefully nothing too criminal, although we’re talking about New Zealand so who really gives a shit anyway. This is the most exciting thing to happen to the Australian state since…since…well, the big bang I guess. And now we can all get back to ignoring them again.