As if English kids weren’t filthy enough already.

SUPERMARKET giant Tesco was slammed yesterday for selling a padded plunge bra for girls as young as SEVEN.

The £4 “bust-booster” is being sold alongside vests in the seven to eight-year-old age range.

Disgraceful! Scandalous! Incontheivable! Then again – and don’t mistake my ignorance for paedophilia – what’s so sordid about a padded plunge bra? Or is the whole point that 7-year-old girls probably shouldn’t be wearing bras in the first place, let alone padded push-ups? Ok, I get it. Maybe. Yes, that’s horrible! Little girls in bras! What is the world coming to? Tesco should be ashamed, swindling little girls out of their priceless innocence and hard-earned pocket-money. For £4 nogal. That’s £2 per beesting. Why, for a mere £54.99, those same little girls could be putting that hard-earned pocket-money into a far more meaningful and positive lucrative investment: ginger-nut super-tramp Barbie. Far more appropriate, don’t you think?

Seriously, is this such a big deal? I think it’s a phat joke. Little girls have been dressing up like marginally-older girls for millennia. What’s the problem? Because they give paedos the wrong idea? Hardly. Maybe the Mother Grundies should start taking stronger objection to the peddling of superhero costumes, because I’ll bet that the sight of a pre-adolescent, dusty-haired, dimpled cherub running around in a tight-fitting Spiderman outfit would cause most discerning kiddiefiddlers to sweat through their Y-fronts. Hell, why not just start coshing irresponsible parents who let their children frolic about on the beach in incredibly revealing birthday suits?

Listen, I’m happy to draw the line at crotchless chaps, helmet dildos and catgut bodysuits, but what’s the fucking big deal with a harmless padded plunge bra? I reckon Tesco is the last place most youngsters look when they’re trying to find the wrong ideas.

I’m not being a pig. I promise.

Thankfully, Tesco have dug themselves a nice hole already, making my agitated plea somewhat “mute” (to qute one retarded fleshwoundeagle):

The row comes after Tesco had to remove a pole-dancing kit from the toy section of its website in 2006 after it was accused of “destroying kids’ innocence”.

Alright. I’m not touching that one. Nice move, Tesco. Idiots.

Then again, this whole fracas comes courtesy of The Sun, so we probably shouldn’t give a fuck anyways.