So Pete Doherty and Kate Moss have split up again. Yawn. Ordinarily. Except this time the cause of the split is Capetonian Lindi Hingston who, if the Sunday Mirror is to be believed, also lists Axl Rose and Jared Leto among her past shags. Well done, Lindi! It´s great to know our local girls are making waves internationally. Ok. Maybe waves is a bit strong. How about ripples? I can do ripples. It´s just a pity you make those ripples by letting your bits get dunked by the likes of Pete Doherty and Jared Leto. Granted, I have my own strong opinions about Jared Leto. Axl Rose, on the other hand, is a solid score. Well done on that count, love.
Sweet little Saffa…until Pete shot up her crack
Here´s the crux:
Lindi, from Cape Town, has always idolised supermodel Kate, who she met nine years ago. But now she is racked by guilt over the one-night stand with Pete.
“I felt like I was cheating on Kate, but I just had to do it,” she told a friend of her fling with Doherty, after meeting him in a London nightclub 10 days ago.
Shame, Lindi. I for one can completely sympathise with you. I too know what it feels like to cheat on Kate. A little part of me dies everytime I devote some “quiet time” to any other bird. Come to think of it, I´m a rank bastard for the number of supermodels, actresses, glamour girls, porn stars and Ariel the little mermaid that I cheat on regularly everyday. I feel so dirty all over. And it makes me want to cheat on you too, Lindi. Sorry, love.
But maybe you´ve done the world a big favour, Lindi. Maybe now we can move on from Pete and Kate. Maybe now we can put the past behind us, dig the Chips Ahoy crumbs out of the pasty fat rolls on our chests and get up off our couches. Maybe now we can get out into the real world and live our lives the way our parents always hoped we would. Maybe now we can conquer the world, end hunger and smash global warming. Maybe – together – we can redeem humanity!
Maybe.
But for now, I´m going to go and find a dark corner where I can cheat on you and Kate, Lindi. I may even cheat twice. And then I´ll consider redemption. Maybe.