I despise getting requests for charitable donations, but I’m going to stick my coc neck out here and recommend – nay, demand – that everyone who reads this post immediately:
- joins this Facebook group; and
- purchases a download of Rage Against The Machine’s “Killing In The Name” via one of the online outlets listed below BEFORE midnight on Saturday, 19 December.
Here’s the reason (although you should probably know this already): we need to push “Killing In The Name” to this year’s UK Christmas No. 1 single. If we fail, X-Factor winner Joe McDingleberry will almost certainly take the cake. And probably insert it in his rectum. If not, I will happily oblige.
The Facebook group is a ”stick it to the man” initiative (the personifcation of the man in this instance being Simon Cowell), and has been a viral coup over the past week, boasting over 800,000 members already. It’s not slowing down either. Here’s more:
The campaign was started by Tracy and Jon Morter, who launched the Facebook group “Rage Against the Machine for Christmas No 1″ earlier this month with the words: “Fed up of Simon Cowell’s latest karaoke act being Christmas No 1? Me too … So who’s up for a mass-purchase of the track ‘KILLING IN THE NAME’ from December 13th (DON’T BUY IT YET!) as a protest to the X Factor monotony?”
Cowell isn’t particularly impressed with the whole thing, but I don’t give two shakes of a small willy about any of that. All I care about is getting Rage to number 1 so that we don’t have to tolerate another spam-moulded, vomitous cup of bottomdribble being celebrated across the radio and telly as the pinnacle of musical excellence.
I am thrilled to report that at the last reckoning, Rage were in the lead! Huzzah!
Sadly, the X-Factor single, which has only been available for download until now, hits the high street today. And this poses a serious threat to our dream. Serious like vaginal prolapse, frenular haematoma or having your ballsac pressed through a garlic crusher. Serious.
But we can beat this. And it will cost us each less than £1 (or about 13 ZARs).
And if you’re umming and aaahing about purchasing a track which you already own or have previously illegally downloaded, chew on this: Rage guitarist Tom Morello (who is stoked with the campaign) has pledged all profits from the re-release of “Killing In The Name” to charity.
So this is now officially a charitable request. At Christmas. When there are lonely people out there. Lonely people, who are starving. Some of whom are ugly and have rotting body bits. Think about the poor lonely, homeless, ugly, rotting people who will not be having turkey this year. Or probably ever. Not to mention sex with anything ever again besides a rusty old can of Koo baked beans. Are you going to invite these guys over for Christmas dinner? I thought not. How about some gentle bergie loving? Perhaps, but probably only on Boxing Day.
You selfish bastards.
Buy “Killing In The Name”. I did, and I don’t intend on actually downloading my purchase, because I already own the cd. I just care about the homeless.
Ok, I don’t care about the homeless (I didn’t even check what charity we’re talking about here), but I do despise the X-Factor, and that’s enough for me.
As promised, you can buy your piece of history here (links as per the Facebook group):
Price Comparison site – http://bit.ly/comparedownloadprices
–Buy 1 for yourself, and maximum another 2 as a ‘gift’ for someone–
iTUNES – 99p – track #2 (click on ‘view in itunes’ on the right)
http://bit.ly/ratm-itunesPLAY.COM – 65p – it’s the only track on the page
http://bit.ly/ratm-play7DIGITAL – 50p – track #2
http://bit.ly/rage-7digitalHMV.COM – 79p (careful – this is track #1)
http://bit.ly/ratm-hmvTUNETRIBE – 49P – track #2 – LIVE version (yes it counts)
http://bit.ly/ratm-tunetribe
or
http://bit.ly/rage-tunetribe (Studio Version)TESCO DIGITAL – 67p – track #2
http://bit.ly/ratm-tescoWE7 – £1.07p – track #2
http://bit.ly/ratm-we7AMAZON ALLEGEDLY IS CHART ELIGIBLE, BUT IM HEARING MANY CONFLICTING STORIES ON THIS. MAYBE PUT THESE ABOVE VENDORS FIRST
Done? Brilliant. Now, final step: rope in as many other awesome dudes as you can and let’s rock the shit out of this Christmas. If we win the battle, we will all get to revel in the sublime knowledge that everywhere around the world on Christmas morning, little children will be stomping their feet around the Christmas tree and screaming “FUCK YOU I WON’T DO WHAT YOU TELL ME!” to their parents.
Fuck, I love Christmas.