This “bootlegged” (read: shit quality) trailer for James Cameron’s budget-busting 3-D CGI extravaganza has hit the internet. If you squint just right, you’ll get a pretty good idea of what “Avatar” is all about: Lieutenant Dan and a bunch of man-sized Smurfs hanging around on floating islands.
If you’re like me and get hard talking about movie financial stats, “Avatar” will make your dick explode: it will probably end up being the most expensive flick ever made, with a budget topping $300m.
Charlize just gets cooler and cooler by the day. She swears, smokes pot, gets naked often enough and has a wicked sense of humour. She’s like a rad dude, only seriously hot and with awesome tits. If she was a guy, I’d totally go gay for her.
And she, it seems, has no problem with going a little gay herself every now and then. She landed a smacker on the dyke above during a OneXOne charity auction in San Francisco. I’d buy that for a dollar!
She raised the stakes when bidding stalled at $37,000, far below the $280,000 Jeremy Piven had just raised.
“For fuck’s sake! You can do better,” she tells attendees. “There is no way I am leaving here with Jeremy Piven getting a higher bid. I’ve got tit’s for God’s sake.”
To sweeten the pot, she offered up a 7-second kiss for $130,000 to a male bidder. “Swine flu is going around. This is high risk kissing!” she told him.
After one man bid $135,000, a woman upped the stakes to $140,000 — ascending the stage for a 20-second smooch as the audience counted down.
See? Some good has come out of Benoni. Are there any other little surprises hiding out there in the East Rand? Based on the last rounds I did at Presley’s, Due East and some of the other turbokak boeretekno clubs in the vicinity, I have to say that the needle on my Probability Meter doesn’t seem to have moved far from zero.
Yes, yes…we’ve seen them before. Last week. Fine. But they’re nice, so I wanted to see them again. And ta-daaa – here’s more of Eva Amurri’s tits in Californication (nsfw).
You’ve committed your life to Jesus. You know you’re saved. But when the Rapture comes what’s to become of your loving pets who are left behind? Eternal Earth-Bound Pets takes that burden off your mind.
We are a group of dedicated animal lovers, and atheists. Each Eternal Earth-Bound Pet representative is a confirmed atheist, and as such will still be here on Earth after you’ve received your reward. Our network of animal activists are committed to step in when you step up to Jesus.
Wow! A cushy life on earth for Bowser while you’re tripping the light fantastic in the celestial chorusline? Gimme some of that! How much will it set me back?
Our service is plain and simple; our fee structure is reasonable.
For $110.00 we will guarantee that should the Rapture occur within ten (10) years of receipt of payment, one pet per residence will be saved. Each additional pet at your residence will be saved for an additional $15.00 fee. A small price to pay for your peace of mind and the health and safety of your four legged and feathered friends.
$110!? Peanuts, I tell you! Peanuts!
I would love to know how much these guys are actually making out of this.
Sadly, I doubt that any Eternal Earth-Bound Pet will survive the Velocirapture when it comes.
I’ve been feeling particularly in love with Amber Heard after seeing Zombieland (watch this space) a few days ago. Which is why I was so happy to find these pictures of her in the UK’s FHM November issue.
If I could only get just one shot to let her see what a great guy I am, I know she would love me back. I know it.
Course, after finding this nasty little clip of Amber prancing around topless (nsfw) and being groped by some pimply, sweaty little shitheads in the Brett Easton Ellis-penned The Informers, I’m having my doubts.
She makes me feel dirty inside. And, to be honest, she broke my heart a little.
And by the way, Amber: that music video on the tv totally sucks too.
Naturally, the religious types got their knickers in a twist about it and raised a huge stink. Because that’s what they do. If zealots were superheroes, their superpower would be to get super-offended a lot. Dickholes.
Then along comes Alpha. I’ve never been to an Alpha meeting myself, but I understand that they’re the Christian equivalent of Amway or tupperware parties. But Alpha’s nothing new: it’s been around for a while, and it seems to have been pretty successful in selling Jesus. So far.
Alpha’s latest advertising campaign in London piggy-backs on the BHA’s efforts with the following earth-shattering question: “Does God exist?”. This is followed by three boxes: “Yes”, “No” and “Probably”. The city (particularly the tube) is literally plastered with god knows (if he exists) how many of these bloody Alpha posters.
What exactly is Alpha? Well, according to the website:
“Alpha is an opportunity for anyone to explore the Christian faith in a relaxed setting over ten thought-provoking weekly sessions, with a day or weekend away.”
Let me get this straight. I want to find out whether God exists, right? Right. So I come along to your meeting and we try and work out the answer to the question, right? That’s correct. And the discussion is modern, relevant and open – none of that evangelical flippity-floppity on the floor bullshit, right? Bang on again. And at the end of the 10 sessions, if I realise that God doesn’t exist, that’s cool right? Absolutely…apart from the bit where you burn in fiery damnation for eternity.
Oh.
Sounds like a balanced, open discussion to me.
But the best part is this: pop on over to Alpha’s smart website and take their “Does God Exist?” poll.
The results are just too beautiful for words.
Back to the drawing board, guys.
*Update:Seems people are ticking the boxes on posters all over the UK!
Shauna Sand, who has posed for Playboy and was once married to Falcon Crest greasemachine Lorenzo Lamas, has a sex tape. If ever there was a more shameless, more pathetic, more degrading cry for career help than this…please send me the details, this shit makes me hard.
Seriously…well, as serious as we can be…Shauna’s hardly kicking up a fuss about the tape, and Vivid will be releasing it soon anyways, so we’ll have all seen it in full before the end of the month. She’s clearly in on the whole thing too.
But I thought I’d point you in the direction of the nsfw trailer and website. It’s here.
Sure, she’s old, busted and only a nip and a tuck away from turning into Morph, but it’s a sex tape. And we like sex tapes.
I love it when you get something you really wanted without ever realising before that you had ever wanted it. Susan Sarandon and her daughter Eva Amurri are quite the pair! That’s one generation gap I’d looove to bridge. If you know what I mean. “Bridge” = “fuck”.
Even for a seasoned actress like Susan Sarandon, it can’t be easy to watch your 24-year-old daughter strip naked on television. But Susan Sarandon’s daughter, Eva Amurri, is doing just that on this season of Californication. The budding actress plays student to David Duchovny’s bad boy author turned professor on Showtime’s hit show. In order to pay the bills, she also performs at a strip club, as seen in one provocative scene from this week’s episode. Surprisingly, Sarandon maintains that she doesn’t have a problem with her daughter baring it all.
“I think if she was playing something that was going to be really hard for her psychologically or damaging, I’d be more concerned, but she had a really good time with the sex thing,” says Sarandon.
Well, Susan. I don’t have a problem with it either. See? We have two things in common: we both like your daughter, and we both think she should get naked. I’ll get my people to get in touch with your people.
Until then, here’s the clip from Californication for your nsfw viewing pleasure.
Not bad. Not bad at all. She clearly takes after her mother.
