Not only is the French president the step-father of Mick Jagger’s bastard (which also means he gets regular schtoepage out of Mick’s sloppy seconds, model and first lady Carla Bruni), but he’s also a belligerent drunk, as evidenced in these priceless YouTube clips:

Here he is arriving at a press conference at last year’s G8 summit after a boozy lunch with Vladimir Putin. What a naughty little Frenchy! You sort of just want to grab him by the cheeks and give them a good wiggling. “Booga-booga-booga”! Too precious.

And here he is at the annual French farm show on Saturday. Some randomer in the crowd snaps at Little Nicky, claiming that le president’s handshake will “make him dirty” or something. Without missing a beat or losing his composure, le petit prince counters with a rapier-like riposte that more-or-less translates as “piss off, dumbass” or “shove off, you stupid bastard”. How delightful! Course, little faux pas like these would probably constitute major breakthroughs in African diplomacy, but let’s forget about washing the AIDS right out of our hair for a minute and reflect on another morsel of European political excellence, this time in the delightful actions of former Italian gran fromage, Silvio Berlusconi.

God, I love Europeans. They’re so sexual. Maybe if George W sexed up his act a little he’d have ended with better approval ratings. It’s not too late for Hill-Dog, though. I reckon some hooker make-up, padded cups and a crotchless pantsuit would do wonders for her numbers. As long as Obama doesn’t beat her too it, that is. Or, heaven forfend, John “Jack Bauer Is My Bitch” McCain. He’s a hectic dude, that McCain. Hectic.