Oh, well – there go the ratings. And my lunch.
17-year-old Chloe Marshall is making history this weekend as she becomes the first ever size 16 girl to take part in the Miss England final. (more)
Some retards folk think that a move like this is progressive. Well, those people should all be invited to a big warehouse party and then napalmed. Progressive shmogrpressive. Decline and fall, I say. Rather, I propose a class action law suit against the MIss England producers for corrupting societal standards. One fat girl this year means a whole fucking smorgasbord of cellulite by 2018. It’s just sending the wrong message to young girls – if fat becomes the new skinny, what the fuck is going to step up and become the new fat? This!?
Fine, maybe I’m being a tad punchy in my cynicisim, but I’m just concerned about our children and our children’s children and our children’s children’s children. Obesity is a slippery enough slope as it is (gravity really doesn’t help either), and giving people the A-Ok to chow down is only going to translate into a vicious legacy of flab. As a race, we’re fatter than we’ve ever been – surely we should be taking hardline steps to fix this!? The First World’s a chubby, lazy place and a well-honed body requires a smart, conservative appetite (more food for the third world and an enhanced immune system), exercise (longevity and a decreased burden on national health systems, allowing for a more efficient fiscal reallocation) and grooming (hot attracts hot, begets hot). It’s simple fucking evolution, people! Fuck education, unemployment, AIDS and Tom Cruise – get everyone looking hot, and we’ll be fucking flying.
It’s. That. Easy.
Don’t get me wrong – I’m not necessarily looking to hook up with Skeletor’s sister. Curves get my bone on. I’m just begging you all to ignore the SuperSize Miss England propaganda mumbo-jumbo BS. You don’t believe in WMDs, moon landings, “no new taxes”, Noah and his ark, that The Hills is real or that Jacob Zuma hasn’t dabbled in a bit of fraud, so why listen to the establishment now?
All I’m asking is that you rather listen to your hearts. The answer is as obvious as the saddlebags on Miss Top-Left: fat=evil, thin=good.