Photos “hacked” from Miley Cyrus’ cellphone continue to surface and create all sorts of issues for my pants and, if rumour is correct, there are some even naughtier shower pics waiting to be released.

Does this really seem to you like a 15-year-old who’s sworn off sex until marriage? I’m skeptical.

Of more immediate concern is this legal/moral quandry: to wank or not to wank? She is underage, after all. Sigh. The world can be so complicated.

If, at any stage, you feel the urge to down pants and get close to Miley, go here first. It’s for the best (although not strictly appropriate to your condition, they might be able to give you a hand – hahaha).