Heather Mills was awarded the reasonable sum of 24.3 million quid yesterday in what will hopefully be the conclusion to her painfully public divorce from Sir Paul. Seriously, the whole thing has been like pulling teeth – our teeth, that is. No one really gives a shit, but we’ve been forced to follow every barney, every thrown vase and every four-letter word that’s passed between them over the past God-knows-how-long. Hopefully now we can get back to focusing on important matters, like how things are going between Cheryl and Ashley Cole now that she’s moronically taken him back. Come on, Cheryl. We’re still trying to get over the whole gay orgy thing. Give us a break!

Back to Mucca:

Heather Mills has walked away from her four-year marriage to Paul McCartney with a 24.3 million pound (US$48.6 million; €31 million) divorce settlement — an enormous sum, but a fifth of what she had sought and a fraction of the former Beatle’s 400 million pound (US$800 million; €520 million) fortune.

Legal experts seem to think she could have got more and that she suffered because she defended herself. And there are conflicting reports as to how she took the ruling: the article referenced here claims she was happy, but according to Xfm’s news this morning, she was seriously pissed, had a bit of a rant in court and poured a glass of water over Paul’s solicitor. I’m leaning towards the latter, because she’s a bit unhinged is Heather Mills. And I’m not just talking about her knee-joint.

At the end of the day, she may have received a nice-sized handout, but it has cost her her reputation (not worth shit), her dignity (worth less than reputation) and any real prospects of a decent future romance. Who the fuck would willingly buy into the kind of junk that she’s dragged through the media over the past year or so? When it comes to finding love, I’m afraid Heather may have shot herself in the foot (the bleeding one) and now she really doesn’t have a leg to stand on.

I love Heather Mills puns.