Shame. Wasps and England flyhalf (and Jonny’s new nemesis) Danny Cipriani has been ruthlessly axed from the team to contest the Calcutta Cup against Scotland on Saturday.

Rugby’s golden boy Danny Cipriani has been dropped from what would have been his first England test start, after being seen leaving a nightclub two days before Saturday’s Six Nations match.

The 21-year-old was yesterday told to have an early night, but at 12.30am he was spotted emerging from the Isis nightclub in Mayfair, central London.

Sad indeed. But this is all purely incidental. Apparently Danny’s teammates have given him a very special, creative locker-room nickname after a minor “sexual altercation” that he had a while back. Danny Cipriani is DCWSWAM. See if you can work it out. Struggling? Read on:

Cipriani, whose dalliance with transgender Larissa Summers earned him the nickname DCWSWAM – Danny Cipriani Who Slept With A Man – from his fellow players, was said to have an urgent meeting with Ashton today where he learnt the news [about the dropping thing].

“Danny Cipriani Who Slept With A Man”. No beating around the bush, is there? Perfect. It’s a bit of a mouthful, but no less than Larissa Summers. Or so I’ve been told. It’s going to take a while to live this name down, Danny Boy. I reckon your best chance of dodging it is to have sex with two men. Or a pig. Or two men and a pig. DCWSWTMAAP. And the offensive line-up for the Green Bay Packers (sluts always do NFL stats, don’t they?). DCWSWTMAAPATOLUFTGBP. I hope he scrubs down afterwards.

Eventually, once he’s added too many letters to his nickname, people will forget about it because it’ll be too difficult to remember. Unless he joins Mensa. Those guys will never let him live it down. He could bone every living thing in the world and they’d still be two letters ahead of him. Smart bastards.