It is not, nor has it ever been, my intention to subtly convert Splattermail into a lame 24 psycho-fan blog. It’s just that Jack Bauer is so friggin’ awesome that it’s almost impossible not to say or do anything in any given hectic situation without first asking yourself: WWJD?

Maybe I’ll get some very special little rubber bracelets made with those four letters splashed across them. WWJD. Of course, they’d be fitted with GPS, tracking device and two-way radio, allowing the wearer to cruise through treacherous situations disguised as a common, garden-variety happyclappy. Genius. People are usually very surprised when happyclappies beat the shit out of them and/or eat their throats out. That’s generally just not the happyclappy way.

But that’s a plan for another day.

Apparently (well, according to Jack and Jay Leno), there’s a college 24 drinking-game, where you have to drink everytime Jack says “damn it!”. Now, if you’ve watched as much 24 as I have, you’ll know that this drinking-game is quite tough. Jack Bauer says “damn it!” a lot. If you were to add a tequila for each interrogation scene, a jaegermeister for every kneecap that Jack shoots off and a delicious peach schnapps each time that Chloe opens a new socket or breaks a protocol, you probably wouldn’t make it through an episode. Only hardcore people get to watch 24 and survive.

Here’s a challenge for you: crack open some beers or a bottle of tequila and take one finger every time Jack says “damn it!” in the montage above. And that’s one finger of booze, please – we don’t care how big your asshole is.

Good luck, and may the dumbest man win.