To be honest, I’m very disappointed that a throw-away post I wrote when I first arrived in Rio about 10 months ago is still receiving tons of hits daily and attracting some strongly-worded comments. Clearly it touched a nerve. It hurts when you touch a nerve, I’m sure you’ll agree. It pyns when your hairy-fisted dentist drills a little too deep into your festering cavity, doesn’t it? Not to mention what happens when he eventually gets round to fixing your teeth!
So I’ve decided I’d like to set the record straight. Some people were offended that I didn’t think much of 30 Seconds To Mars. Well, I’ve reconsidered my position. Perhaps time has mellowed me. Perhaps my tastes have matured. I’d like to think I’m a better person than I was when I wrote that post. So here it is:
30 Seconds To Mars are an abomination. They are unquestionably the most worthless, disgraceful, bowel-turning, eye-ball-raking, projectile-blood-vomitting thing to have happened to music since Helen Keller’s speed-metal phase. I would rather eat my own faeces, excrete it, lather it over the belly of a really, really fat old woman and then lick it up whilst simultaneously enduring an equine DP…*breathe*…than listen to a full 30STM (or whatever their lobotomised groupies call them) album.
Seriously. Come on, people. They’re actually really crap. 30STM - WTF!?
I’m so mad right now I can actually feel the blood in my eyes fizzing.
Arguably the biggest joke about 30STM (I’m going to keep this up) is that they take themselves so fucking seriously. Have you seen their music videos? They must cost a fortune! Their tone-deaf label could’ve saved a whole fuckload of money by just giving me $100,000 to crap in an icecream cone - at the very least it would’ve been money better spent. And what’s with all the black make-up, clothes, ladies gloves and butt-plugs? Is it because they spend most of their lives at Dungeons And Dragons conventions? I don’t get it.
And then there’s this other shit that people have been plastering all over my comments section. “Provehito in altum”? What the fuck is that? “I have a zero-fat grainy cracker stuck in my doet”? What fucking band has their own lame motto? JEEZ!! Who are these guys? Scientologists!? Paedophiles!? Both!!?? I don’t even know which is worse! I wouldn’t be surprised if after this I get a nasty letter from Tom Cruise demanding that I refrain in future from tarnishing the respectability of his church by affiliating it with filth of this calibre.
I did my homework (i.e. Wikipedia) and checked the meaning of their little mantra:
The band’s phoenix logo (which the band named “Mithra”) bears the phrase “Provehito in Altum”, the band’s motto. Roughly translated from Latin, this means “Launch forth into the deep”; but a more stylized version would be “Rocket in(to) High(ness)”. The logo was primarily used for promotion of the band’s debut, whereas for A Beautiful Lie, the new Trinity logo was created consisting of three skulls, along with the band’s name and motto.
They have their own bloody bird too!? Called Mithra!? Does it happen to be a Class 1 Asspipe with 3 XP, -2 Armour and +5 Damage from Magical Turdfire Attacks? God! This is so pathetic that even Dungeons And Dragons are considering changing their name to “That Dork Game That Is Not Quite As Gay As 30STM”. “Rocket into Highness”!? HAHAHAHAHAHA!! Maybe if they stopped being gigantic knobheads and focused on the music they’d realise that they should actually just find day jobs. They could start a little factory that makes 20-sided dice or something. “Provehito in Altum”. God. It reminds me a little of Al Gore in South Park. “Excelsior”!
Remember, sheep-people and East Randers: just because they’re popular doesn’t mean they’re good. Lou Bega was popular once. So were Steps. And Milli Vanilli. I urge you: don’t buy the gimmick! Save yourselves. There is so much beautiful music in the world.
Believe you me - this is not a wanton rant. I listen to shitloads of music and never before have I suffered so much hype for so little talent. 30STM represent everything bad about commercialism. Don’t buy what MTV tries to sell to you. Form your own opinions, for fucksakes. The internet is an amazing place. Have a little “surf” of your own. You will do better. And you will lead a richer life because of it.
Excelsior!
18 responses so far ↓
1 DeafPulse.com - the one-stop pulse for all Deaf-related news and blogs. // Feb 22, 2008 at 12:26 am
[...] [...]
2 The Geek // Feb 22, 2008 at 2:47 am
That might just, sir, have been the most stunning put-down of second-rate mediocrity I have read in the last year.
Well done. Salût!
3 Finkelstein // Feb 22, 2008 at 8:14 am
“Provita up the altum” -hahaha!
4 laz // Feb 22, 2008 at 9:44 am
i’ve never heard them, and couldn’t be bothered to, emo bands tend to piss me off a bit.
What really cracks me up is seeing how cagey people get when you put down something that they’re into…it’s as if you’re telling them that their feet smell or something.
I mean c’mon - i dig listening to slayer - but i’m not going to get my panties twisted if you reckon they are crap - shit - my girlfriend thinks they’re crap *Bitch*
5 bangersandnash // Feb 22, 2008 at 9:46 am
Bro I was falling of my chair!
fucking awesome post, had me crying. The feedback from the sheep should be top class!
30 ST STFU!
idiots!
6 The Don // Feb 22, 2008 at 10:38 am
That is the funniest thing I have ever read. Here, here. The makeup kills me.
7 the salami from killarney // Feb 22, 2008 at 2:13 pm
Hang on a sec. So after all that does anyone actually like these wangs or have I actually managed to rustle up some converts?
8 AnnMarie // Feb 22, 2008 at 7:01 pm
Yeah some people still love 30 seconds to mars, they’re just not wasting anymore time in your shitty blog.
9 renandstimpy // Feb 23, 2008 at 3:59 pm
oh pu-leeze
anyone with a sufficient attachment to an emo group that they would leave nasty comments on a blog to defend a buch of eye-shadow obsessed turdbags needs to seriously consider turning 15 ASAP.
nice post.
10 Missherhsey // Mar 1, 2008 at 7:25 pm
I know that everyone has their opinion, but you still gotta respect other people’s taste in music. No matter how much you hate 30 Seconds To Mars, you shouldn’t insult the people who do like them.
11 Rachelle // Mar 19, 2008 at 11:31 pm
Music affects everyone differently. Rather nasty of you to put down what others feel affects their lives in a big way.
12 30secondstoyouranus // Mar 28, 2008 at 3:50 am
Worst noise ever. These exemplars of uber-choad made my ears bleed at Kak Fest. And turned my hard-won beer sour. Douchebags.
13 laz // Mar 29, 2008 at 5:29 am
yip. they sure sucked at coke fest in cape town.
14 AM // Apr 23, 2008 at 6:01 pm
these people need to hear more music cuz this is definatly not as good as they put them out to be. =P
15 john // Apr 25, 2008 at 3:46 pm
seriously dude how sad is your life? i couldnt give a fuck what u think i mean im not that keen on them anyways, seriously tho get a girlfriend instead of posting some saddo blog about shit you dont like.
fuckin shitbrick
16 john // Apr 25, 2008 at 3:48 pm
lol its funny how sad you are….u american coz u sure do sound like a twat.
17 Andy // Apr 25, 2008 at 3:56 pm
What the fuck you playin at mate??
Jesus.
18 aoife // Jun 27, 2008 at 5:34 pm
ok, im not a sheep. my fav bands are rammestien and a perfect circle (love love love!)
but you dont seem to have done your research quite as well as you think. like the logos, jared is an artist, so i doubt he would have bothered otherwise like. and the videos, hes an actor and producer so like hes able to do the videos so they dont look like shit, and they dont, you have to admit. plus, the record label would get money for the videos, they won loads of awards like, so publicity, albums sold, money…goes on.
also your more likely to listen to the music if you see what looks like a really good video instead some piece of shit made in like their house or someting:D
the people in the band can play their instruments, you cant deny them that. susr they dont have big guitar solos or anything…but frankly i find them boring, maybe because i suck at guitar so i dont appreciate them, like how hard they are.
and come ON! jared is not the worst singer in the world! and so whatif the lyrics are simple, its better then having them so profound there is no true meaning, or tune, just an endless string of elaborate words. axel roses lyrics were not the best either like. and susr they dont make a lot of sense, well some do, you just have to listen a few times and then its like “click!” and you find they mean something.
my advice is dont write any more to aggrivate people…or definitely dont make up stuff about the band…cos people DO read like.
and clothes…? total image! like do you think marlyn manson wears one blue contact, that much make up and grills when hes sitting pissed at home? it may not even be their coice to dress like that…although i assume it is. bands hae managers remember who are very commanding.
like im in a band (wooo! go me!) and we have ourselves our manager…(who is my older sisters friend, but used to play in a band the squares and were successful enough over here) and i have to dress like…a cross between katie melua and otep…and i look rediculess, but it sells, honest!
so before you say things, remember that we dont know the whole picture like.
and as far as lyrics go, according to my phone billy howerdel wrote some of the songs lyrics, so i hope you dont like tool cos he writes some of theirs too (i think):D lol