I have many reasons to resent Leonardo di Caprio: he has boned Gisele Bundchen a lot, he has lots of money and millions of nice chicas worldwide want to be boned by him. Basically, it pretty much all boils down to boning hot chicks, because (and let’s face reality here) men only really want [...]

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Breaking news: Eskom authorities have finally isolated the loose nut allegedly responsible for the recent rolling power cuts suffered across the Cape Peninsula.
When asked for his comment, Eskom CEO Montgomery Burns replied simply that: “a lifetime of working at a nuclear power plant has left me with a healthy green glow… and left [...]

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“Darling, why is that creepy man across the way gnawing on your panties?”
Is it merely coincidence or is this just some very, very, very clever promotional work by Sharon Stone ahead of her upcoming sequel to Basic Instinct, the movie that taught me the reason why VCR’s are actually fitted with fast forward, rewind and [...]

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FYI, voting for the 2006 SA Blog Awards is now open and will remain so until Friday, 3 March 2006.
FYI some more, Splattermail has been nominated in the following categories:
South African blog of 2005
The most humourous South African blog
Best writing on a South African blog
Best South African lifestyle blog
I’m not going to tell you who [...]

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For our non-South African readers, I don’t expect you to understand any of this. Suffice to say that Riaan Cruywagen is somewhat of an Afrikaans Regis or Terry Wogan, if you must. Except he rocks. A bit.
Power, Riaan. Power.
Riaan Cruywagen is fluent in twenty seven of South Africa’s eleven official languages.
Riaan Cruywagen knows the news [...]

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We shouldn’t really be surprised, should we? Rumours of some kind of hook up between the charming Ms Hilton and Playboy model Nicole Lenz have been doing the rounds for quite some time now, but Nicole has revived the story somewhat by going on record with some juicy details of the allegedly videotaped event:
Lenz is [...]

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Wow. That’s one helluva tough act to improve upon. But even the most perfect creation in existence, Jessica Alba, would look fractionally better if she removed that little mole on her chin. Hey, it worked for Enrique. My point? Sure, it could get better: it would get better if they suddenly discovered that their clothes [...]

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Did someone just tell me that Mary-Kate and Ashley are modelling for Badgely Mischka? Why, yes they did! And if you thought “Badgely Mischka” was pig latin for “a celery sandwich and a handjob“, you’re not far off the mark.
Ok, fine. You’re totally off it.
Mary-Kate Olsen and her twin sister, Ashley, known for [...]

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After his continuous rabbit and duck season failures, Elmer Fudd finally lost it.
Ja, I thought I was lank fucking bright coming up with the “Cheney’s got a gun” title to my previous post. Well, I still think i’m lank fucking bright because I did come up with it myself, unfortunately, unbeknownst to me at the [...]

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“Death of a quailsman”…or something
Dum da dum dum dum. Fuck, I hate Aerosmith.
Well, US VP Dick Cheney’s recent hunting, uh, “incident” is old news now, but it seems that the manhunter has finally decided to own up to what was clearly his own fucking fault the whole bloody time. Sometimes you’re just too screwed to [...]

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